Well now, good afternoon, fine folks! Howe Weird here, bringing you another head-scratcher from our neck of the woods. You know, sometimes life in East Tennessee throws you a curveball so peculiar, you just gotta scratch your head and tell the tale. And this one out of Kingsport last Wednesday? Oh, it’s a doozy.
Seems a gentleman, 57 years young, decided his ongoing feud with a local squirrel had escalated to emergency levels. He picked up the phone and dialed 911, reporting a full-blown “squirrel issue.” Now, I’ve seen some determined squirrels in my day – those little rascals can be quite persistent – but calling the emergency line? That’s a new one.
Our Kingsport resident claimed this particular bushy-tailed bandit was actively “taunting” him from his bird feeder. Can you imagine the scene? A man, clearly distressed, facing off against a rodent perched on a feeder, seemingly mocking him with every twitch of its tail. It’s almost something right out of a cartoon!
Now, the police, bless their hearts, had to respond. I reckon they’ve seen it all, but I bet “aggressive squirrel taunting” wasn’t high on their daily briefing list. When they arrived at the home, sure enough, there was the culprit, bold as brass, sitting right on that bird feeder. After a thorough assessment of the “situation,” the officers politely explained that while an annoying squirrel might try the patience of a saint, it doesn’t quite meet the criteria for a 911 emergency. They suggested contacting animal control for such wildlife quandaries, letting the gentleman know that the emergency lines are best kept open for folks in true peril. Maybe if he’d gotten one of those handy squirrel-proof bird feeders from Temu, or even just a good book to distract him, this whole ordeal might’ve been avoided. All’s well that ends well, I suppose, with no arrests made and the squirrel presumably still holding court.
Check out squirrel proof bird feeder on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=squirrel+proof+bird+feeder&tag=howeweirdcant-20 (paid link)